Rejecting Limiting Narratives Is Embracing Toleration
Break the predicament of mindset and live carefree
Disputes and contention are deeply ingrained in human nature. Even a tiny difference in opinions and perspectives can lead to confrontation, distrust, and animosity. We are naturally inclined to trust our in-group members more than people from out-groups, even though our emotional attachment to our groups can lead to biased judgment and ill-informed decisions.
This phenomenon reveals the daily psychological game where we label ourselves and everything that defines us. And we tend to classify and objectify others using the same labeling technique. Accordingly, we navigate complex social relations by constantly reminding ourselves of these labels without realizing that our actions will capture us.
Our social interactions are often shaped by subtle and sophisticated techniques that allow us to conceal our true intentions and preferences rather than embracing the challenge of cultivating an environment nurtured on tolerance and understanding.
As a result, we tend to establish mental barriers and filtering mechanisms before engaging with the outside world, which is fraught with social, cultural, and political obstacles.
The emphasis on tolerance and diversity in a multicultural society reflects our lack of a basic culture that values differences. Instead, we tend to gravitate toward a uniform and conformist culture that downplays individuality and spontaneity.
In many domains of modern life, such as schools, workplaces, and political institutions, anomalous behaviors and thought patterns are often met with disapproval and ostracism. This is not necessarily due to their lack of merit but because they challenge existing norms and conventions. The fact that “rocking the boat” is often seen as unacceptable reveals the deep-seated intolerance and rigidity of our social and political structures, which betrays the fundamental problem of the human mind.
Toleration arises from a genuine sense of equanimity and humility. Throughout our lives, we will inevitably encounter countless individuals from diverse backgrounds and cultures whose perspectives may conflict with our own. In such situations, we must remember that our personal stories and experiences are unique and do not have to be identical to those of others.
If it serves the common interests of our community in the long run, we should accept and welcome different ways of doing things. It is reasonable to allow values and norms distinct from our own to take root and flourish. This is a fundamental requirement of the concept of pluralism, which can be cultivated through a culture of tolerance. Individual growth is fostered when we challenge our narrow beliefs, broaden our understanding of possibilities, and hold ourselves to higher standards.
Spiritual humility, therefore, becomes a goal we strive to reach and a way of life. By adopting an open-minded approach toward differing opinions and perspectives, we open ourselves up to emotional and spiritual discomfort that may arise from unexpected challenges. However, in doing so, we allow ourselves to perceive opportunities that would have been invisible had we stuck to our limited mental frameworks.
Chuang Tzu tells an interesting story about the predicament of mindset.
Once, a monkey keeper was handing out nuts to a group of monkeys. He had a routine of giving them three nuts every morning and four every evening. However, the monkeys were unhappy with this arrangement and became enraged. Sensing their displeasure, the keeper slightly changed and offered them four nuts in the morning and three in the evening instead. Surprisingly, the monkeys were overjoyed with this new arrangement.
Although the total number of nuts remained the same, the slight shift in how they were distributed made all the difference.
In numerous life situations, we are like the monkeys in Chuang Tzu’s allegory, driven by the narratives we tell ourselves repeatedly without being aware of how they shape our life’s trajectories. To free ourselves from the constraints of such rigid thinking as the monkeys, we must consider the possibility of embracing all alternative perspectives.
This involves breaking free from the limitations of binary thinking and rejecting the urge to categorize everything as right or wrong, good or bad, or this or that. Only then can we expand our horizons and embrace the full spectrum of possibilities that exist beyond the confines of our preconceived notions.
Our perceptions and beliefs are often shaped by the circumstances we find ourselves in, leading us to believe that we know better than others and to make subjective judgments based on our conceptions of right and wrong. This lack of epistemic humility can significantly hinder cultivating a more tolerant attitude toward life. Besides, we also reduce the leeway to be flexible to change when necessary, constraining our options and space to operate in the human world.
Taoist sages believe it is better to let go of preconceived opinions and thoughts rather than be single-minded and willful. By taking a humble position and remaining detached, we can better navigate complex situations with ease. It is essential to recognize that our ideas, customs, and beliefs hold us captive, not the other way around. And the possibility of living this life spontaneously, peacefully, and harmoniously is within reach of us. This is why Tao Te Ching says,
The Sage has no decided opinions and feelings,
But regards the people’s opinions and feelings as his own.
The good ones I declare good;
The bad ones I also declare good.
That is the goodness of Virtue1.
The message is that we don't need to preach dogmatic principles to others. External values and ideas don't hold us back. Instead, we simply let alternative narratives proceed in their own way.
Lin Yutang, “Chapter 49: The people’s hearts,” In The Wisdom of Laotse.
“The people of this world are pleased when people agree with them and displeased when people disagree. The fact that they like those who agree and dislike those who differ in their opinions shows that they think they are better than others. But can those who think they are better than others be really better than others? Rather than hold one’s own opinion against the many, let the many represent the many.” — Chuang Tzu
I just read the Etymology nerd's latest article on trendbaiting and it also seemed to be taking about how this identitarian crisis has been exacerbated by social media. Would highly recommend it to you...